While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
