i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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