I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
