Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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