new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
