Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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