Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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