You really coming over, don't trick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it because I queefed?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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