I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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