Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
