Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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