Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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