before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
