I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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