There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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