apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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