I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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