dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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