Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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