He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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