thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
