she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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