But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
