That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
