Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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