you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
