He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just sent this text using only my big toe
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
