Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
