Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Pooping to opera.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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