Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
