if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize