Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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