Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
