like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
