last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
