Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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