i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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