when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
