you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
