eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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