there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
