honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
