people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize