I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
