my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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