What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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