You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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