hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
