she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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