I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
