the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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