I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
