OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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