I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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