I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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