why didn't you poke me back
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
