so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
