You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Randomize
