I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
