For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
