I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
