I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
