I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
