Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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