I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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