She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
