He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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