Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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