what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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