Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
