that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
