She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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