Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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