hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
