never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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