ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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