This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
